cleaning from the inside

"Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also." - Alma 60:23

"By the time the body was hung, the mud and stench had become ingrained in my clothes. I felt miserable, but our work had only begun. Together my father and I cleaned the dead animal. We didn’t finish until about three in the morning. The smell, the slime, the dirt, and the filth clung to me. I went back to the house. Although it has been twenty-five years, the events of the next hour are very vivid in my mind. I remember clearly the satisfaction of removing my shirt. Peeling off each layer of clothing brought relief. I began washing—first my hands, then my arms to the elbows. It was not the kind of dirt that would disappear quickly. Then I showered, first washing the ears, then the hair, back to the hands and fingernails, and to the hair again. It was some time before I felt satisfied that the cleansing was done. Slipping into a clean pair of pajamas, I lay awake in bed for a while reliving the experience. It was four in the morning. I was exhausted, but the feelings of tiredness did not approach the sensational satisfaction of being washed and clean." - Elder Neil L. Andersen

"Polish a turd it's still a turd." - Peanut

I received a letter from Tennessee today.

(On a side note - prior to her mission she didn't really care about my lack of temple worthiness issue. However, since receiving her own endowment - she's really looking forward to being married in the temple. And I love her. So it looks like I may need to fix some things in my life real soon here because, seriously, each letter I get from her I get more giddy. I'm pathetic I know.)

Inside was a bunch of good news including a baptism and a week long vacation from the companion she doesn't like. Also in it was something she learned from her personal study. "[Concerning Alma 60:23] It talks about that we must be clean and repentant on the inside, so that when people look on our outward appearance, they can see someone who is Christlike [the whole way through]." She went on to say that by being obedient to God not just on the outside but in our hearts, allows the spirit to clean us from within.

I don't remember who said it, but there is that old saying that the world would take you out of the slums but God takes the slums out of you. Someone else said that you would change a bad habit faster by studying the Book of Mormon than studying about the habit.

I think this is true.

I'm constantly trying to change my environment. I try to exercise, or not watch certain TV or to not drink certain delicious carbonated and caffeinated drinks. But I always come back to the habits that hold me bound. There is a scripture in the bible that talks about man returning to sin just like a dog returns to vomit, because it is warm and familiar. I've seen drug addicts and alcoholics return to those substances after prison and DUIs and the sort - not because they don't want to change, but because they get scared and need something warm and familiar to make themselves feel better - even if temporarily. For the most part, you ask them if they converted to sobriety or if they just took it out of their lives for a time and usually they hadn't converted to sobriety.

I know I haven't. I have tried just removing myself from the situations that contribute to sin, but I'm not sure I've converted away from sin. I'm not sure I've ever had that "change in [me], or in [my] heart, that [I] have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually." (Mosiah 5:2) I think I'm more of the type of guy to keep a summer home in Babylon.

However, I know it is possible. I know that with the right level of dedication and patience and reliance on One more powerful than me whose yolk is easy and whose burden is light, I can too be converted. And as I am converted from the inside out I will be cleaned. It won't be like the clean I get from slicing up a cow and then taking a shower - it will the clean that allows me to glow from the inside out.

And I'm beginning to see the importance of be cleansed from the inside out. Because no matter how hard I try to eliminate temptation and stress from my life, it will always pop up. And when it does, unless I'm converted and cleansed from the inside, I'll return to my vomit still the same.