Gratitude November 5 2009 -Post Edit**

First off. I'm conducting a poll ----------->

I am grateful for opportunities to fast and pray for a purpose - and then see the results.

I am grateful for home cooked meals.

I am grateful for volleyball.

I am grateful for all of the things I learned at BYUI that weren't in the actual classroom.

I am grateful for all of my friends.

I am grateful for spell checker.

I continue to be grateful for music, though I don't have any new bands to tell you about today.

I am grateful for photography.

I am grateful for this great time of year to go hiking - when all the bears and snakes are in hiding.

I am grateful for the legacy of my parents - a legacy that inspires me to create and to share those creations with others.

I am grateful for dental trips that come in under budget, under pain, and without a lecture. I am also grateful to have a dentist finally say "It actually doesn't look that bad."

Post Edit**
I do have music to share: Kenny Chesney, The Boston Typewriter Orchestra, eighth blackbird.

I am grateful for Twitter occasionally. I wasn't able to be at a friend's funeral today but I was able to follow it on Twitter.

Conducting a Poll

Hi. I am conducting a poll --------->

As the new meds take effect, I'm finding my head clearing a little and am now seeing that I could probably handle grad school (as long as I remain on this medication). My problem is deciding on a grad school option.

Rehabilitation Counseling: Helping people work through their new or life long disabilities. Most Rehab Counselors work in Education or for the Government. Those in education help counsel students with disabilities with education goals and assist in making accommodations for students in the classroom (some of this involves the use of assitive communication devices such as a Dynavox. Some of this involves allowing students to turn in assignments from their CF hospital room instead of in class). Working for the government is more vocational based. A rehab counselor would, for example, help a returning soldier who is missing a member of it's body to assess their skills and see what occupations would work with the skill sets that soldier had acquired prior to the amputation or brain injury.

Social Worker: This is a rather broad field. Drug and alcohol counseling, vocational training, case managing, clinical psychology, juvenile therapy, Child Protective Services, Adoption, Public Policy, treating for PTSD, and the list goes on.

Occupational Therapy: Helping children, the elderly and returning veterans with their fine motor skills used for activities for daily living: tying shoes, buttoning shirts or pants, grasping a pencil, typing at a computer, picking your nose, grasping items, brushing teeth, operating a car, taking a picture, underwater basket weaving, using a cell phone, and the list goes on and on.
The big negative of OT is the requirement to take classes in Anatomy/Physiology and chemistry - classes I've never excelled at.

For those of you that don't know - My history:

2007 - Present: I work as a Therapy Aide helping children with disabilities to receive Occupational and Physical Therapy. I also manage the office and do data entry for our "billing."
2007 - 2008: Assistant Coach to a Power Wheelchair Soccer Team (I also did some refereeing)
2006 - 2007: Disability Advocate - I worked as a liaison between students with disabilities and administration to ensure proper parking and ramps were available during construction projects
2005 - 2007: Student Director of Adaptive Activities - I started and ran the wheelchair Basketball program and expanded the adaptive cycling and bowling programs. I also created several websites and created policies (that are still used today).
2002 - 2004: Special Education Assistant: I taught students who were severely emotionally disturbed for 6 months. I spent 10 months being a 1:1 to a boy with Asperger Syndrome and I spent 8 months being a 1:1 to a boy with autism
2000 - 2002: Crossing Guard - I stood out in the street and asked drivers to try to hit me instead of the kids.
1999 and summer of 2001: Special Education Assistant - Once again I was a 1:1 with Autism and a boy with severe Cerebral Palsy
1997 - 1999: Market Research Interviewer: Would you like to take a survey?
1997 - 1998: Assistant Teacher to a rehabilitation counselor who was also the Adaptive PE teacher for a Junior College. I worked 1:1 in a gym and a pool with an elderly man who had had a stroke. I also worked in the office
1995 - 1997: Teachers Assistant: Learning Disability class where I tutored students.

Knowing all this - please vote (or you can vote and comment if you'd like)

Becoming Provident Providers Temporally and Spiritually

This week I have been studying the words of Elder Robert D Hales and the talk he gave in April 2009. He spoke on "Becoming a Provident Providers both Temporally and Spiritually." The first line that caught my attention was:

Today I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by the effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to... thought and action that diminish one’s sense of self-worth.

I don't know anyone whose choices haven't diminished their freedom to choose. Furthermore, I don't think I know anyone who hasn't had some experience in their life where their choices have always led to exactly perfect self worth. So in other words - he is talking to me...and everyone I know.

A little further on Elder Hales testifies not only to our trials but to the help those trials can have.

Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior.

I struggle not with His reach but the reach of me. Some times, one of those decisions I seem to make is to step outside His firm grasp or I get into a hole and I don't reach up to his waiting lifeline to pull me out of the hole. I don't seem to be able to reach back. In other words, sometimes I choose to diminish my freedom that much more by making this test of mortality harder. Not in math or science or even in my photo class do I ask for harder tests. I wonder why I do that here. Maybe it's because of the next part...

We must remember that the adversary knows us extremely well. He knows where, when, and how to tempt us... we can learn to recognize the adversary’s enticements.

Every day I wonder how is it he can know me so well when I don't know myself so well. I think it is impart because I don't take the time to really research myself. I remember when I was in anger management, it was suggested I take notes. I was to write down every time I got angry and take note of what the triggers were. I did that for several months and discovered all sorts of things. When Cat and KNJ-P broke up with me, both of them sent me an e-mail (for better or worse) that pointed out somethings they had noticed about me. (quirks along with happy things right next to the things that drove us apart). My best friend and I are really good (spectacular at times) about pointing out each other's lasting qualities (both good and bad). If I spent a fraction of the time the devil does on me - well then I bet I could learn to recognize both my temptations a little better and why his enticements were so inviting when usually the end results of those enticings aren't.

I add this next part as a reminder and a reassurance:

Our success is never measured by how strongly we are tempted but by how faithfully we respond. We must ask for help from our Heavenly Father and seek strength through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ. In both temporal and spiritual things, obtaining this divine assistance enables us to become provident providers for ourselves and others.

My faith is the question - not the hugeness or littleness of the temptation. I think that is good to remember. I have a friend in the hospital this week. She has incredible faith, though, that if she turns to the Lord it will all work out. I, along with her family, spent this Sunday fasting for her and her doctors. We too believe that our faith in this trial with be of more worth than the trial.

Elder Hales now turns to the meat of his talk. (I'm going to slim out the stories and just give the big points)

All of us are responsible to provide for ourselves and our families in both temporal and spiritual ways. To provide providently, we must practice the principles of provident living: joyfully living within our means, being content with what we have, avoiding excessive debt, and diligently saving and preparing for rainy-day emergencies. When we live providently, we can provide for ourselves and our families and also follow the Savior’s example to serve and bless others.

Being provident providers, we must keep that most basic commandment, “Thou shalt not covet” (Exodus 20:17). Our world is fraught with feelings of entitlement ... As a result, we go into debt to buy things we can’t afford—and things we do not really need. Whenever we do this, we become poor temporally and spiritually ... Living at the subsistence level, we become depressed, our self-worth is affected, and our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and the Lord are weakened. We do not have the time, energy, or interest to seek spiritual things....I have learned that the three most loving words are “I love you,” and the four most caring words for those we love are “We can’t afford it.”

The first thought I have to this is a comedy show. In it is a guy who is a ventriloquist. One of the characters he uses is a really old really cranky man named Walter. During one part of the sketch the audience is allowed to ask questions.
One question: "Walter what was your favorite toy as a kid?"
Walter: "Dirt (where in the audience laughs) and we were happy."
I think about that response from time to time. Has PSP or Wii or TV or iPods or anything made us happier. I remember as a kid we used to go outside and play games with our neighbors. I live in some pretty kid populated areas but I never see them outside playing. I rarely see kids crossing the street to go to a friend's place. Instead I hear kids in the store telling their parents that so-and-so has this and therefore they need one too. It scares me at times. Is my need to own destroying my desires or opportunities to serve, bless or seek spiritual guidance? Some days I think so.

Elder Hales continues:
When faced with the choice to buy, consume, or engage in worldly things and activities, we all need to learn to say to one another, “We can’t afford it, even though we want it!” or “We can afford it, but we don’t need it—and we really don’t even want it!”

Whenever we want to experience or possess something that will impact us and our resources, we may want to ask ourselves, “Is the benefit temporary, or will it have eternal value and significance?” Truthfully answering these questions may help us avoid excessive debt and other addictive behavior.

In seeking to overcome debt and addictive behaviors, we should remember that addiction is the craving of the natural man, and it can never be satisfied. It is an insatiable appetite.

It's true if you think about it. Craving more is an insatiable appetite. Where does it end?

Elder Hales concludes with:

With all the love I have in me and with the Savior’s love through me, I invite you to come unto Him and hear His words: “Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted” (2 Nephi 9:51).

I testify that the appetite to possess worldly things can only be overcome by turning to the Lord. The hunger of addiction can only be replaced by our love for Him. He stands ready to help each one of us. “Fear not,” He said, “for you are mine, and I have overcome the world” (D&C 50:41).

All week long as I have been reading this that section from Second Nephi has really spoke to me the most. Don't spend your labors for that which cannot satisfy. I wondered and continue to wonder in what areas of my life are my labors worth my devotion and what labors do I do that just don't satisfy. I think I have areas to improve on.

Gratitude October 29

I am grateful for nicotine gum.

I am grateful for Heroes. This week my heroes include my siblings, my father and Mahon.

I am grateful for Stephanie Meyer and her ability to communicate to me on behalf of my best friend.

I am grateful for new music and the change it brings to my life. For example: sigur ros or David Grisman.

our hero jack: episode one

Jack did not intend to be a hero. In fact, on the day when this all started, Jack was actually planning on doing the most unheroic thing he could. He had been planning it for weeks and was sure that his plan was the best it was going to be. Plans had been checked twice. Three times. Some days even saw four checks. Every aspect of his plan had been scrutinized and developed. It was not going to get any better than this plan.

On the day chosen, Jack went down to the pawn shop. He sorted through the options of knives that were available. Each blade was tested for sharpness, easy of opening and difficulty in closing. Some knives were as dull as butter knives. Other knives were a struggle to get open. Many of the knives sprung close with the least amount of effort. Eventually Jack settled on a knife that was sharp, the size of his palm, that came with a black handle and a locking blade. On the blade was a little nub that Jack could flip the blade open with little care. After haggling with the pawn shop owner, Jack forked over the last few dollars to his name and left the store.

Jack stuck the new to him knife in his pocket and was running his finger along the closed blade's ridge that bounced against his leg as he walked along the sidewalk. He was only a few blocks from his destination and was anxious to put his plan into place. If everything went according to the plan, money would never be a problem for him again. The excitement and nervousness ran through his body. It was such a distracted feeling he almost did not hear the screeching tires. Just in time, he not only heard the tires, but he saw the car slam into the side of the building.

Somewhere in the course of veering off of the road and colliding with red brick, the car snapped a fire hydrant off of its mount and a close resemblance of Old Faithful was now spewing from the pipes below. The water reunited with gravity and began fill the car through the windshield.

Jack could see at least two occupants fighting ferociously against seat belts and other restraints holding them to the metal coffin. Jack ran over. Quickly he propped the driver door open. The woman was shouting and flaying around. Jack grabbed his knife from his pocket, flipped it open and cut away the safety restraints and pulled the woman from her Venus fly trap of a seat. As he dragged her to a safer, dryer location, the woman screamed in his water soaked ears, "My baby! Save my baby!"

Jack left her with some people who had also stopped to help. He rushed back to the car that now resembled a water slide with water pouring out of every window but the one where the car seat was located. Jack inhaled a short breath and dove into the cascade. He found that the baby seat, too, had stopped releasing the restraints on its tiny occupant. Using the knife still in his hand, Jack carefully cut away the tiny straps and attempted to grab the child. But the child proved too much to handle and Jack had to drop his prize knife.

Now gliding with the exiting current, Jack floated out to the waiting audience. As they reached the mother, the baby let out a scream - with a gathered crowd cheering with joy. Within moments emergency and news crews arrived to mop up and report. Pictures from cameras and cell phones were swapped with reporters and at least one person had video taped the daring rescue.

Jack was taken to the hospital with the family from the car. Because of the amount of water he had swallowed, Jack was kept for over night watch. His hotel filled quickly with cards and flowers from well wishers thankful for his heroic act.

Meanwhile, Jack lamented the loss of his knife and the fact that tonight he would not be able to slit his wrists.

From the last few weeks

"Uncle Sean, She's a medium teacher." - My niece after I asked her if her new Kindergarden teacher was short or tall.

"You guys really jumped the gun. I'm not sure what I'm doing for the rest of the week, let alone for Thanksgiving." - my father in response to his girlfriend and I hammering out the plans for Thanksgiving.

"I used to live in Oakland, so I know what it sounded like." A student at Deer Valley explaining why she was a good witness to the high school shooting. Evidently being a former resident of Oakland is all the training you need.

"Duh Uncle Sean. I'm wearing an A's shirt right now." - My niece in response to my question if she still liked the Oakland A's. This conversation occured while talking on the phone - me in CA her in Wisconsin.

"As we crossed this time I still was curious but I didn't ask outloud." - John after returning from a trip to Utah from CA. Several years ago John and I crossed and as we were between Winnemucca and Battle Mountain John saw a trailer park/farm community. He asked me how they survived without a grocery store. I tried to explain that the farm was the grocery store.

"Do you think you can play with Barbies and fill out your time sheet at the same time?" - my boss. She walked into the therapy unit to me making the voice of one Barbie to the Barbie of one of our clients.

"Hey Pitcher - we're talking about beer here." One of the people in the stands at the ball game on Saturday. Each game there is a "beer batter" on the opposing team. If that batter strikes out - beer is half price for the next 15 minutes. The fan was trying to convince the pitcher to stop throwing balls. Evidently the pitcher heard. The stands were practically empty for the next 20 minutes.

Thinking outloud

In the course of any given week there are a million things that float through my head. A lot of it just comes and goes and so I don't worry too much about it. As this week concludes, though, there are about 5 things still floating through my head.

1. In Pirates of the Caribbean (the first and best one), was Elizabeth Swan immortal from the time she met Will Turner on the crossing from England up until the time the gold medallion is taken from her? According to the rules that were established in the movie - those that posses the stolen Aztec gold are incapable of dying.
1B. How did Boostrap die if he was also immortal (being a member of the original crew)?

2. I wonder if it is possible to have more filtered stories of heroic acts. Firefighters, police officers, and soldiers doing heroic things - with a filter that didn't dive into their personal lives. One of the things that annoys me about professional sports and dramatic TV (i.e. Rescue Me or ER or Third Watch) is that we know so much about the players and performers. (Plus, of course there is so little heroism showed in modern day sports.). I would just like to read and see often in the news or on TV the heroic acts of those we walk the streets with.

3. The Bible Dictionary states: "Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but are made conditional on us asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them."
On the one hand I look to God as being the great Santa. For several months i write letters to Santa asking for the new Star Wars Lego set. I tell him every time I see him at the mall (I even yell it from the second story out side Macy's "Hey Santa! It's Sean - we talked last week! Just wanted to remind you that I wanted the Millennium Falcon!")
However, come Christmas Morning I would get socks. Come January I would need the new warmer socks so I could play outside. His blessings were there despite my pleadings.
On the other hand I struggle with the point of prayer. If my will will never be granted and it is only His will that will be granted on his timeline - what is the point of me pleading with the Lord. If all I'm ever going to ask for is the things He won't give me and He won't give me things that I don't ask for - then really I'm never going to get out of this hole. The best way I can think of this is that He has Coke sitting there waiting for me - but if the only things I ever ask for is Pepsi, Rootbeer, Sprite or water - nothing will happen. He won't bless me with Coke because I didn't ask for it. He won't bless me with the others because that is not His will. And if it never occurs to me to ask for Coke we will never have a meeting of wills. Then what is the point to prayer but to guess what His will is?

4. What do you do with friends that aren't accepting to change? After 3 years of being apart from John, I returned to discover I had changed a lot, and so had he. We were different people - but we tried to keep the friendship going despite some glaring differences. One day while we were out grocery shopping I suggested Savemart and he was shocked. "I thought you said you would never shop there again." I asked when I said that. "5 years ago." was the response. I tried to relate that in that amount of time I have learned what is good and can get from Savemart. However, that experience has stood as an example of how people can change over time.
The reason this particular question has been in my head is because I'm in similar situation. Over the past 4 months I have grown closer to a friend. While I'm not the dog for her and she isn't the owner for me, right now we are good for each other. Over the last four months, a different friend has been away on an internship. She has not been around to watch as me and this other girl have grown tighter. At a recent event I was massaging the feet of the girl I've grown tighter with. Suddenly the girl who recently returned from her internship shouted out, "I thought you didn't massage feet! You told me you didn't massage feet!" Which is true. And 6 months earlier I didn't. But on that night, with that young lady, I did.
Since that time I've been worried about my friendship with my recently returned friend. In what other ways have I changed in the last 4 months that will cause discord in our friendship? Do I try to be the person I was 4 - 6 months ago or do I expect the friend to be adaptable.
With John it became clear that 3 years was just too long. We are still friends but much less than the friends we were when we were friends prior to my departure to the Lord's University in Idaho. I'm not sure I'm ready to see my friend of 4 months ago go the same way.

5. Josh just celebrated his 5 years of Photo A Day. On March 4th (or somewhere around there - never been all that good at math) I will celebrate my 1000th picture. I wonder if that is enough. In a recent post by Cindy about violin neglect, Cindy's Mom commented that there is a time and a season for all things. I wonder if 1000 pictures is a decent season.