Reversed Tender Mercies

“But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” - 1 Ne. 1:20

"If, however, I had been invited to suggest an intermediate hymn for that particular session of the conference—a hymn that would have been both edifying and spiritually soothing for me and for the congregation before my first address in this Conference Center—I would have selected my favorite hymn, 'Redeemer of Israel.' Tears filled my eyes as I stood with you to sing that stirring hymn of the Restoration. My mind was drawn immediately to Nephi’s phrase “the tender mercies of the Lord,” and I knew in that very moment I was experiencing just such a tender mercy. A loving Savior was sending me a most personal and timely message of comfort and reassurance through a hymn selected weeks previously. Some may count this experience as simply a nice coincidence, but I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." - David A Bednar

I love Music. I love the rhythm, the beat and how certain songs just soothe. I am often singing at the top of my lungs as I drive (usually country music) and I have several CDs, iTunes and my family even purchased me a Sirius Satellite system 1 year ago. I LOVE music. My missionary farewell (back when you could have farewells) had more songs than speakers. (Mind you none of them were mine as I have been kicked out of church choirs and I can't play any instruments but the Kazoou.). My "manly Man" friends tease me because I love going to symphonies and musicals and other classical events. But I can't help it - I just love music.

However, music can also hurt. For about a year I slept with this girl. (And I mean that in the very literal sense. We never did get around to having sex. We just slept together. I lived in Pittsburg, CA and she lived in San Jose CA so at times she was too tired to drive home). I really enjoyed waking up next to her. She was (and still is I'm sure) beautiful. A little while after her sleep overs started I started singing to her this song. It became "our" song. Then we broke up. Every now and then I hear it. It used to bring me pain, but now I just smile. She met a great guy and got married and is now very happy livin in Utah and raising their baby. She's very happy and I'm happy for her.

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8 Months after my mother died I was accepted to the Lord's University. In April of 2004, I packed up my truck and trailer, and my dad and I got everything ready for me to move to Idaho. The night before I left, KNJ & I enjoyed one last evening together. We knew that we'd see each other in July, and then come September she would be in Provo. I didn't think that ride was going to be the end.

I had to take her home in my mom's old car because my truck was loaded to the gills for the trip to the promise land. The antenna on her car had broken off some time earlier. All we had to listen to was tapes in the car. Playing at the time was the Irish Rovers. The Irish Rovers is a band that doesn't see a lot of air time. The song they were singing that night - I've never heard on the radio. As we drove, KNJ said, "Sean I will always remember tonight. The car, the drive and this song. And so will you." And she's right. I remember that night. It was the last day in Camelot. Invaders would destroy my world starting the very next day.

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I hear Cat and I's song at least once a week. And each time, I am called upon to remember the bright sun rays shinning through the window blinds on her beautiful brown hair and her pale white face as we awoke each morning. "Good morning beautiful." And I smile.

However, in a reverse tender mercy of the Lord, I never hear KNJ-P's last song. It is one last way that I don't have to be reminded of her. Instead of giving us a last song that I would hear for the rest of my life, the Lord blessed us with a broken antenna and a cassette tape from a band that never got the popularity they deserved. And for that - I am so grateful. Garth may be thankful for unanswered prayers, but I am thankful for reverse mercies - the ones where I don't have to relive that day ever again. The ones where certain songs go unsung or unplayed.