She is not for petting

This will turn into a rant I’m sure, but I just want to say it before it goes too far.

I tend to avoid girls that have never been kissed. I am a very affectionate guy and I like having an affectionate girl and you don’t usually get that from a girl that has never been kissed. Usually a girl that has never been kissed is in that stage for two reasons: 1. Lack of opportunity (i.e. she was home schooled, only wanted to kiss Mormon boys and there weren’t a whole lot where she lived or she was an awkward kind of teen and boys didn’t know how to approach her) or 2. Not that affectionate. (i.e. some girls just don’t like to be touched. I’m not sure why this is.)

(Reason 1 I can work through on those days when I’m feeling patient. Teaching a girl how to be a good kisser is a drawn out process and you really have to be patient on how to teach her while not offending her while also making it enjoyable. For those who have ever struggled at getting pregnant can tell you – after a while of practicing the same thing over and over again is annoying. But sometimes you just have to do that with a girl before she can move onto the next step in being a good kisser. In part – this is why I prefer a girl whose lips have had one before. Someone already trained her and I can then work on perfecting those lessons. This is also why I tend to stay away from girls that had been kissed by 20 different guys. Usually at that point – they’ve had too many teachers with too many agendas. For reason 2, I really haven’t found a cure and there really is no end to the misery that type of girl will cause you.)

However, once I’ve found a girl that is affectionate, I must admit I am a private individual. I think that anything beyond holding hands should be reserved for the privacy of your own secret sacred place (whether that be your couch, bedroom, truck, Teton Dam, in the backwoods of Yellowstone National Park, or any where else where you and your companion can be alone and friendly.) Being affectionate is a way of showing appreciation for the person and body you are with. It should not be used to dictate ownership or control or possession or to make people in your congregation at church feel bitter or nauseas.

(and this is where it turns into a rant)

At church on Sunday there were 8 new couples. (which is great news for me because it means Bishop will stop pestering me to date those girls.) 7 of the couples were so cute and respectful. I have no clue what they are doing on the dining room table or at the park near their house. They held hands or loosely strung their arms around their companion as they sat in the pew. And then there was 8th couple. They were constantly grabbing and touching each other. If he didn’t have two hands on her at all time it was because he was changing positions. After Sacrament they each had people to talk to but this did not mean they were bound for separation. Instead they remained locked in hand and standing back to back. Then at one point the guy was holding her elbow as she shook hands with someone. Her ELBOW!!
We get it. We ALL get it. You like each other. You think we all need to know you like each other. You need each other to know you really like each other. But, please, stop. Save your affectionate for the car, the couch or the honeymoon suite. Not touching in public won’t weaken our faith in your relationship. It will just allow us to stomach your relationship more.