Sunday, November 16, 2008

Knee Mail

I practically live with this one family. I do all of my gardening there. I raise my rabbits there. I fix my truck there. Oh, and I eat there a lot.Being there so often I can confirm that the oldest married daughter and the mom talk every day. Even though said daughter lives in Utah, it is fairly common to hear from her at least twice a day. Sometimes she calls the house and I even get to talk to her.

Please contrast this with my dad. I can go weeks and months without talking to him. I call him occasionally and he calls me (usually when I have mail to be picked up or if he got tickets to go see the A's lose and would like me to come along.) He once said he need a score card to help him in knowing who I was interested in or dating. I don't date all that much, but my interests vary and if he doesn't hear from me every two weeks, I could have been interested in one girl two weeks ago and now we're not talking. (This happened in September. I was going on dates with a girl who lived near my dad. I introduced them in the first part of September. The next time we talked about her, I had already moved on and it was only October.) In short, we just aren't big people on conversation.

Neither is My Heavenly Father and I. I know that I'm supposed to say my prayers every morning and every night. And some weeks I do. Some weeks I'm really good about kneeling down besides my bed and praying every morning and then returning every night and doing it all over again...but then I get bored with it. You see, I live a pretty simple life. I work, I go to school, I work some more and I go to church. I don't date a whole lot. I don't socialize all that much. I don't really have a whole lot of variety in my life. So the things I'm praying for don't change all that much. I am always grateful for the blessings of rest the night before. I'm always thankful for warm showers and breakfast. I'm grateful for the blessings others enjoy and I pray that God will bless my family, my friends and specifically Nina, Melinda, KNJ & Adam, John, Mahon & Cindy, and Katie F. I recently added Audra, but beyond that - my prayers sound almost exactly like that every day. Just like in Million Dollar Baby, I get to a point where my prayers are "Well do your best lord, other than that, you know what I want, there's no use repeating myself." And that's about the time I stop.

I think impart this comes from the lessons of my father and just the way I look at life. My father is really the type of guy to follow after the counsel of Joseph Smith: "Teach them correct principles and let the govern themselves." My father raised us the best way he knew and now he lets us make our own choices. He hopes that we make good choices, but he's not going to be there to hold our hand through the whole process. We can always come to him if we get stuck or need a little more help. I think that's the same way prayer with my Heavenly Father is. I know what's right (Listening to the prophet helps), and I'll keep plugging along until I get stuck or I need additional help.

I know many that think there is something fundamentally wrong with that perspective, but I just don't see any reason to change it.

6 comments:

cindy baldwin said...

"I know that there is something fundamentally wrong with that perspective, but I just don't see any reason to change it."

I know what you mean. Some days I feel the same way - I mean, I'm seriously just saying the same thing. Day after day after day. Here and there a few alterations.

However, I also have to say that I have a powerful testimony of prayer. I'm not always good at it outside the rote breakfast and bedtime and morning prayers, but when I am good at it, my life is enriched beyond my ability to describe. It isn't about what God can do for me - I know that He knows my problems, I know that it's up to Him whether or not they work out the way I want. But I also know that when I am praying more often and more truly, my life is changed. I am a different person. Prayer is a powerful change agent.

I don't think that God intends for us to essentially just do our best on our own (I know this is not quite what you're saying, but close). I think the fact that we are told repeatedly throughout the scriptures to pray constantly is significant. I am not always good at it. In fact, reading your post and writing this response is good for me because I've sort of slacked lately. But it makes such a HUGE difference.

I also loved what Elder Bednar had to say on the topic in the last conference.

Sean said...

I'm in the process of reading his talk actually. In the first few lines he talks of a previous talk he gave so I'm going to print that one off at work tomorrow as well (My printer at home and my home computer still hate each other.)

I think the biggest point of my post was the point that I couldn't put into words (and I still won't word it well...but here it goes): We are told to have meaningful prayers and I just don't know how much more meaningful my prayer can be when it is always the same thing day in and day out. It's something I'm working on, but still not there. My deepest desire is to have those listed be blessed. I don't really want anything for myself and so every prayer is in earnest but it is in earnest for the same things. I'm working on changing that - even though I'm not sure how.

Cindy said...

Sean--I, too, am lousy at prayer. (Good at a lot of other things, but lousy at this.) I'm seriously jealous of my friend who has this rich deep prayer life and total connection to God.

One of the things that she has mentioned & I've since heard mentioned other places is that we should pray to ask that the Holy Ghost tell us what we need to pray about.

That could skip past the "my prayers are all so repetitious part" and move us into the conversation we're supposed to be having with the Lord. I found some years ago that I needed to move away from the pattern of the Lord's prayer in order to have any semblance of meaning in my personal prayers. Otherwise it was just a list.

I was also intrigued by Elder Bednar's talk in conference. I'm working on that one...

cindy baldwin said...

Okay, that really freaked me out. I obviously haven't been awake enough... I was staring at the comments on this post going "What??? I didn't post TWICE!"

I agree with what my mom said - I often pray to know what to pray about. It helps.

And like I said before, prayer for me has become much less a way to ask for things I want, then to simply connect with and commune with the Lord. I loved Elder Bednar's suggestion to say a prayer of gratitude only. Sometimes I do that. Sometimes when I'm driving down the road or something I'll turn off the radio and just pray aloud for awhile, sort of as an exercise. I will thank the Lord for all the things I can think of. I'll tell him what is going on in my life. I usually start out not really wanting to spend my peaceful driving time that way (if I'm being honest), but it always ends up being a strength to me.

Sean said...

I think that last part of what you said was more associated with having a prayer in your heart or having the informal prayers. I doubt you are folding your arms, closing your eyes and bowing your head as you are driving. I, too, will occasionally turn off the radio and have a conversation with God as if he were sitting next to me in my truck. And for some reason - that flows easier. I'm able to talk and ponder easier than when I am on my knees and praying with folded arms and bowed eyes.

Unscheduled PonderPrayer always seems to be a lot more engaging and genuine that knee mail at morning and night.

cindy baldwin said...

To me, that's what prayer is. The heart of prayer, anyway.

But I do still think that the scheduled prayers are important too. I have actually always struggled with morning prayer, but the things Elder Bednar said really inspired me to try harder.